If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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