And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Bring me that man meat
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
