marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
