Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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