I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
