the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
