there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The best walk of shames are on the highway
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
