My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
