Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
