It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
