he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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