I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
