I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
