I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
