I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
