Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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