Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
