omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
