I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
