Plan B is the new Plan A
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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