Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
