I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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