I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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