it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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