If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
