I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
