I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
