she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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