dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
