dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my poor anus
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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