u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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