He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
