careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
