i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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