I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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