I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
