I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
