ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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