Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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