my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
