Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
