You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
