I need to stop coming to work sober
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I want is dick and wine.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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