I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
COCAINE IS GR8
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
