I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
