The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
