I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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