i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
