So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
