im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
